a dog

I always feel like I needed a dog but never knew how much effort it goes into taking care of a dog. I have Molly, the cat, who is very self efficient. So, once in awhile, my neighbor ask us to take care of Fiona. So, I always agree. I did today and I want to go shopping but can't. I realize... I can't leave Fiona in the house. She will tear my house apart. Carl is out and he wants nothing to do with Fiona today. I had to pick up her poo. Gross! I walked her twice. At least I am getting my exercise. I wanted to let her play with the doggies but I am not sure how she is without her leash. I know if I let my mom's asshole dog off that leash, that bitch will not return. She will also terrorize every dog in the area. So, did not want to try that with Fiona. She is a good dog but Molly and her are not friends. :(

Kids today!

It is really sad what happen to the poor Starbucks' manager at the subway station. How can a group of teenagers hurt an adult? It really makes me wonder what will happen to this generation as they turn to adult. Do they have any guilt?

Another disturbing news about today's youth. My development provides provides free shuttle services. Carl met our wonderful driver. Of course, Carl loves to find out about the person and their story. Here's the driver's story. He faces many problems seeking for a job in US because he was from the Middle East. He used to be a photographer for the US Embassy in Pakistan before he and his family migrated to the US. He finally found a job from our development and so excited and the nicest guy. While his wife pursue her degree, he drives the our development's bus. Last Friday, a group of teenagers threw a rock at the bus and broke the window. They robbed him. I am really sad for this poor man. He has struggle so much and these shit heads took money that he barely have.

What the hell is wrong with these kids? I would have run these shit heads down.

A Fine Sat

Carl has gone with the boys to his guys' weekend and I am left to enjoy the house with some time to myself. On Sat, I have pilates in the morning and after class I decided to take a stroll. My co-workers are addicted to Nuts To You. They have requested me to get them some dark roasted peanuts. I went to there to get them their treats. After that I went to Barnes and Noble. I was heading upstairs to check out some books. I overheard this guy asking the help desk for a book. He wasn't really silent about it. It was quite amusing. He was looking for "The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire." Wow! I need to get this one for Carl. :) At least he was not embarrass about it. Work a little, took a nap, watching my fav movie of all time, and going to dinner at my fav Chinese place with Dena, Liz and Cat. What a great weekend! Yesterday watch Enchanted with Dena and stuff ourselves with pizza and went to Naked Chocolate for dessert. Yep, almost ready to have Carl back.

today a friend told me something

A friend told me I worry to much. She is right. At first I was like damn. But she is right. I wish I don't. I wish I can just sit and relax and not worry about Carl or my dad or if my contract ends at the bank. That is me. It is hard for me to just let go. I wish I can relax and play and Carl take responsible. But it is not as easy as it seems. Tomorrow I will try. Today I'll be sad a little.

don't owe you jack shit

Parents bring children in to this world and they give them a gift of life. Their best gift is life and teach them from right and wrong. When they go into the world they understand the choices that they about to make.

Today I learn that some parents expect more than that. They expect their children to provide for them financially. For me that is a bit hard to grasp. I am not from a wealth off family. My parents do not expect my brother or I to support them financially because we are starting our lives right now and they know it is impossible. They rather we take care of us and get ourselves settle and financially comfortable. This is an unselfish way of thinking.

No matter what, family members DO NOT owe anyone anything, whether you are an aunt or uncle or cousin or brother or sister. You are lucky if your family members is willing to help you out once in awhile.

Having the support of family members during emotional time means more to me. That is a true blessing!

tomorrow my baby turns 39

I remember the day I met my baby, he was only 30. Wow that seems ages ago. Tomorrow he will be 39. WOW!!! Old ass. I remember asking him... you have kids. I don't like kids and don't date guys with kids. Oh, I almost forgot our anniversary. We have been together for 9 years now. Dammmmmmnnn! Next year it will be 10. I feel ancient.

commute

when I commute in the morning, I wonder sometimes, if anything happens to my car would any of these people let me know that I have a flat tire or something. It is interesting. I drive on 95 and there are more women on the road and would they bond with me if anything happen or leave me stranded. Hmmm, I wonder. I don't want to experience anything bad but would just want to see if the act of kindness would occur.

wedding festivities

Pretty much on the way. We have book our reception spot. I got my wedding gown. Not sure if I want a wedding planner. I want a photographer and Carl says no and I say go to hell. I found a DJ. Need an officiant. We are trying to get that priest from Halloween to officiate. The church is definitely a no... how can a church charge $1000 for ceremony. That is bullshit. The worst is that it is falling apart. I think that is funny. Anyway, we are not doing any gift registry. We have every thing we need. So, best gift is $$$. My gift registry is at Bank of America and Philadelphia Credit Union and it is call *MONEY ORDER*... make out to Carl Fleshman or Micaela Au Yong. I met with a wedding planner and she say that is tacky to put it in the invite. Best way is to hint it to our guest and the guest past it on. I am telling people in case you have no clue and you got an invite. HINT HINT HINT. So, I know you read my blog.

What else am I doing? hmmm. Not sure about the damn florist thing. Anyone knows a florist or has a friend who is a florist. I was told by this florist, she won't work with me actually she has not reply my email since my order is not more than $1000. I just need 3 bouquet and 3 thing for the dude. Better yet the guys gets nothing. I am calling Wegmans. I am getting my wedding cupcakes from them. We wanted Brown Betty's and they were charging $2 a cupcake for minis. Know what a mini is? The cut the top off. It is like Henry VIII cutting Anne Boleyn's head off. Yes good comparisons. Sorry that is a waste of $ more like a waste of good cupcake. Well, Carl and I love Wegman's cake and they will be charging us 79 cents a cupcake. We have several friends and the groom wants 2 or 3 cupcakes. So, that save us $$$. Is all about the $$. It's getting exciting and fun. But there is drama as always. But thank goodness for friends.

Wedding Planning 2.18.2009

Today is President's Day, we took my dad and grandmother to Valley Green Inn to take a look at where our reception will be held at and meet Kate our wedding planner at Valley Green. So, he was not too happy about our down to earth wedding reception. We have put our deposit to hold the place and also I have a wedding gown. We also found a photographer but have not put a deposit yet to secure her. So, it is coming along slowly. We need flowers and church. Also, we might also found our rehearsal dinner spot.

Hallelujah

I found a church! No boundaries issues!! WOOHOOO! I will tell more when I actually become a parishioner. Damn it... never thought it will be so hard to be accepted into church.

Here is what happen last Sunday. I was told by St. Francis Xavier that I did not live on their boundary line. Their boundary stops at Thompson which is 10 steps from my house and they send me to St. Martin De Porres which is on 24th and Lehigh. Where is St. Francis... 24th and Greene... around the corner from my house.

I was disgusted and almost in tears. My friend, Jill, laughed and her joke is I did not realize God has boundaries. I asked my dad and mom, why did you not warn me about this. I am being send on a stupid goose chase to find a parish. I called the archdiocese chancellor office and they send me there. I called them and almost in tears and filled with stress and said what is this. I live 10 step away form the boundary.

So, I decided to give this other parish a try that my friend recommended and they did not care about what boundary. So, I was excited. When I become a parishioner, I will tell you more.

Church and guest list

I am actually scare of going to church this morning. So, I am procrastinating in my pjs. It is 8:30 and I think I am getting sick. Next mass is at 9:30.

My guest lists is almost filled and that does not even include Carl's list. :0 Opps! My list are just half of my family members and a few of my closest friends. 80 people and I guess I am going for the 100. I might have to cut some people out. OUCH!! Damn it! Feel like the wedding from hell. I did not even check on the photographer and that is like $3500. AHHHH! Oh the DJ too. That God the cake is taken care off. Decorations? Flowers? Great!

Most girl dream of planning a wedding is not my dream

Yeah we love the gorgeous gown but what is the fun. If you think being the center of attention is the fun that is freaking bullshit. Finding the perfect reception spot and having what we want... I thought was easy. Now it is starting to cost more and more. So, if I do not invite everyone, don't be upset. We are inviting a lot of family members. Use to be a 50 people wedding and now it is 80. Was not a church wedding... now we have a church wedding. Oh, by the way, Dena since you went on vacation, I am joining a church and I am also having a Chinese banquet for the Asian family that will be arriving from the 3 continents. AHHHH!

2 months of brain surgery

Well, 2 months after craniotomy surgery... I am doing great. I almost can go to the gym. I am body's plumbing system is back to normal. I can poo and pee without medication. Yay! Headache is very less frequent. Yesterday and Friday was my first few days on because I had my menstruation. Common towards the end of it. I will be heading back to the gym end of Jan. I cannot wait. I am stress and need something to get it out of my system.

The chills in my bones

It is not old age... it is a sinus infection. I went to my primary care where I sat with all this sick people in this tiny waiting room. So gross. I was thinking my poor scar is inhaling all these disease and I am definitely going to get something now even if I do not. Why can't people cover their mouth when they cough? This lady is hacking her lungs out and what is her cough drops of choice? Jelly beans. Doesn't it gives you more mucus. Duh!!! I went to my favorite nurse and was wondering if my surgeon fax over my notes... more like hinting get me out of here. I just had brain surgery 6 weeks ago and I do not want to be sick with these people.

OK doc came in. Check my nose. Stick out my tongue. Check my pressure. Temp 96.5 COLD!! I have a sinus. Yay! finally something to understand what the hell is with these crazy chills. Tons of sleep and fluid and use my nasal spray. Two squirts a day for each nostril.

signs of healing from brain surgery

1. less motrin
2. ability to poop on your on... no meds
3. less motrin
4. sleep longer
6. realize that blob on the stomach is no longer muscle you build from pilates but flubber.
7. you can deal with the the crazy world 10 minutes longer
8. you call your friend that you usually don't talk to on regular basis and ask how come she do not call
9. you realize you boredom is setting in after 1 month of sitting in between the house or hospital.
10. want to go to the gym
11. you can sleep an entire night next to you lover without waking 4-5 times a nite without a sore neck or headache.
12. you decide to cook or bake again. I cooked so much food that I realized Carl and I won't be able to finish till 2009.
13. I am on a diet
14. less motrin.

progress of getting off pain killers

My headache was very intense last night. It was 24 hours off pain killers and I decided to sleep in the guest bedroom, so Carl can get a better sleep. I think it might be the bed or maybe meditation was working. Slept till 7 without any headaches. This morning, my headaches are less intense. My shoulder and neck muscles are not as tight. One day at a time! Chamomile tea works too.

In a happy note, I was watching "The View" and the ladies were saying by 2020, men will be able to have sex with robots. Crazy!

Weaning of pain killers

I have been taking so much painkillers for headache that I think my body is now immune to tylenol and motrin and oxycodone. Now I have tension headaches which begin on my temporal muscles. I did not realize the doc cut them and now they are reconnecting back. So, when my neck stiff up and shoulder, a headache is coming. I have made appt to get acupuncture on Sat. I have been drinking chamomile tea to calm my nerves, stress, and anxiety. I am using something like a ben gay to relieve the tension which did help last night. I will conquer this like I did my previous headache.

Xmas was good except I usually get up at 2am and try to go the bathroom. I did not turn the light on and ran into the wall. I have a very sexy goose egg... chilling on my forehead. My dad thought I crack my skull.

after brain surgery

I had a craniotomy on November 30th to get a tumor removed by my right ventricle. Surgery lasted for 6 hours and the first thing I remember after surgery was the anesthesiologist removing the tube from my throat. I remember struggling for air. Then I was dreaming about coding for work. I guess I remember how to code.

How my tumor was found? I have been getting treated for severe migraines after a car accident in 2003. I was having headaches for 3 week straight and had no idea what the problem was. Was taking my usual meds and by this time my body was so drain from it. went for an MRI in late Oct of 2006 and my doc called me on 11/4/2006 that they found a tumor. How I remember the dates? I called my aunt to wish her happy birthday and also told her the news. My emotions was up and down.

A year later went back for my 6 months MRI check up and the tumor started getting active. It grew and my neurosurgeon... Dr. Evans, who is fantastic, told me that surgery is needed.

My surgery was schedule on November 30th. Was able to celebrate Thanksgiving and Xmas. I hated when they inserted the IV and a-line, which was the worst of all tubes in me. Blood test sucks. I was in ICU for 3 days after surgery. All my friends came to visit. My folks, grandmother,brother and cousin, Jo, from London came to support. It was hard for me to see the anxiety of my grandmother's face when I was able to open my eyes. I was very morphine up.

Everyday at 4-5am all the doctors will come and checked on me. It was nice but I wanted sleep. Usual procedure was smiled for me and squeezed my hands. Lift your leg. I did not realized that my left side of my body was not actually functioning correctly after surgery. I wished I have a picture of my droopy face and I had wondering left eye. Monday... I asked one of the docs to please remove the tube that is sticking out the side of my head, which was use to drain back up fluid from the brain.

I was moved to a regular room on Tuesday and at this time... the awful experience began. I had a Foley catheter for surgery and my bladder forgot how to pee. After they remove that Foley, I had bad bladder spasm and felt like bladder infection. I thought I had to pee every 5 minutes. Carl was so upset that day. They had to drain me every 8 hours. Later a urologist came and realized I was retaining too much urine in my bladder. I was retaining up to 1 liter and advised to drain me every 4 hours. Not very pleasant.

I was very up set that my bladder forgot to function and was getting inpatient. It was a natural process for us to pee and poop. I started to get hemorrhoids due to the stress. Not another pleasant situation. I was able to get discharge when my bladder started to function again. I was discharge on Tuesday 12/10/2007 and was glad to be home. Hospital was great, nurses was great and so was my doctors but food was horrible. Lost weight!

At home recovery, I wish I have one of those uncomfortable hospital bed now. I am not able to sleep laying flat. Not sure why, I develop a major headache. Have to sleep upright not sure if anything is not being drain properly. Got a ct scan and everything looks fine. Today is the worst. I actually felt so sick that I feel like throwing up from these headaches. Tylenol is not helping and had to take heavy duty pain killers. This is the second day that I am not able to sleep. Getting really drain. Almost ask Carl to drive me to the hospital due to the pain and nauseous feeling.

exercise bike

I am glad for my exercise bike. Sound so Pollyanna! Well, I am awake again in the middle of the night. I have decided to exercise when I wake up to drain my insomnia energy. So, far it is working. Not sure how Carl will feel if I continue doing this if I actually woke up at 3am. Right now is only 1:32am. We shall see.

Give thanks

Thursday is Thanksgiving and I have a a juicy 22lb turkey that I am excited to cook. This year, I decided I am going to brine the turkey the day before Thanksgiving day. I really don't like roasted poultry meat unless it is roast duck from Chinatown. It feels so tasteless and dry. SO, I read if I brine it... it will be moist and delicious. So, I am hoping that my turkey will rule Thanksgiving day.

We are expecting 20 guests and some will be heading to our house later for drinks. It is exciting to see the family but yet it is really stressful for me. Look I have been awake since 1:49 and it 4:16 and I am still awake. I am having major insomnia. Everything is freaking me out and I wish I can just tell my body is ok. I have been working out hoping that will tired me out... not working. I cannot take any sleeping agent because I have been taking one almost everyday. Now I am trying sleeping tea. We shall see.

I am getting surgery next Friday. Not a easy one. They are finally removing Kenny. Now hoping all goes well and I recover in one week. Yeah one week. I need to just sleep and relax. I tried meditation... guess it is not working. I even had a couple of drinks with Kim and Rodrigo and no luck. Fell asleep for like 4 hours and now I am awake.

I am going to try laying down again. Have a good Thanksgiving everyone.